Been sometime since I last blogged right? So many things happening. Lol. Okay not many things but, yea. Halapah came over, I became sick, my SIL is back, my uncle came Lol. Macam2 I know. 3 days back, my khala and cousssin came over! Yeay, happy coz she stayed over. Haha so lepastu apelagi, Operation Chit Chat la. hahhaha. We went up like after having a late lunch, and then haha my khala biseng coz we didnt tron at all. Busy exchanging 'stories' lah katekan. Haha, itu pon it took like until well into the wee hours of the morning till like near 4am. I was falling sick already as I already had started having phlegm and my throat was uncomfortable and I was supposed to take like 1 lozenge every 2-3 hours but I ended up taking 4 within 2-3 hours. LOL. crazy I know. but cannot help it ley. Lol. Poor mastura though, haha coz i kept on falling asleep while she was storytelling haha about life, and I was trying my best to keep my eyes awake lol. She did offer to stop and say kesian but haha me n my degil head, I just told her to continue cz I knew that she wont be able to continue the next morning as she was heading back already. Kesian her though coz I kept on falling asleep while she beria-ria citer. Kesian. lool. I talk about my sad life lol, she talked about hers. Haha. 

So yea, the next morning, my throat hurt so much, and my face looked like zombie complete with pimples and eye bags like a panda. I really looked bad. Haiz. It was painful to swallow but I tried my best. Didnt even have any appetite at all. Sigh. So I just made myself 2 glasses of honey and limau kasturi and drank one after another. I really was devoid of any energy and baring mcm ape je. No mood to talk or eat. Sigh. Then while watching tv, abah came and brought me water with honey and cuka. So sweet of him. Didnt even expected. Hehe he was like kesiankan anak abah, hehe, always like that. So i did feel like drinking all of those did alleviate my throat pain and  I did feel more energy coming back a little alhamdulillah. So i took obat and so on, and then ape lagi, laptop laaa. Tgk orang nyer profile, gamba, wall la..hahaha again and again. Ish3. Padehal2 org tu clueless kot. LOL. So after 1-2 hours, i really was lembik and decided to fall asleep. Woke up around 6 plus. Then heard like people bustling kat bawah so decided to stay upstairs till they went away. Rupenye they came to change the stove in the small kitchen coz it was leaking or something like that. I dragged myself downstairs like a zombie, ate a small portion of rice sayur and drank lots of water. And dragged myself upstairs. Suddenly moving up and down the staircase was so tiring. I guess coz I was feeling lethargic. So on back the lappie and go to fb haha(typical) just to tgk the profiles and pic again. Lol. Keje tah pe bende la hanisah ni hahahaha. What to do. I like the person mah. Cannot do anything except berdoa aje lah :) Haha the ones tht know about this say I gile bayang. Idiots. LOL. 

But yea, I dont expect anything because I am putting my life and my feelings and expectations in Allah, I dont hope anything from this, and I never asked for all these things to be present in my heart and head. Sigh. All I can do is just pray and pray and pray. Because if it doesnt lead anywhere then there is really no point. I dun want to SS. I just want keredhaan and barakah and rahmat from Allah. Thats all. I dun want to ask for riches, i dun want worldly things. I just want it simple. I just want to be a good hamba in Allah's eyes. But I guess I am still in dunya. Because I keep on hoping for this and that, wishing this and that, hoping he'll see me the way I see him this and that, but then I realise, if you put everything in Allah's hands, he will arrange everything nicely for you. Everything happens for a reason. Be it your experiences, your incidents, your feelings, EVERYTHING. I just hope tht what Im feeling isnt haram. I just want keredhaan Allah. That's all. 

We can always try and try, trying is better than not moving an inch to do something about it. Something husna said did make me realise, she told me that I should cry over my relationship with Allah, not over petty things like this, which is true mashallah, I do, not that I dont at all, of course I do, its just that when you are still alive and living in this dunya, its kinda unavoidable to experience it because it is what makes us human. Inshallah Im always praying for the best for all, and everything in life. I have to try and make the best of what I have. Inshallah. Now I dont know if I should find work or not. Sigh. Theres so many things I have to think of, every single time I want to make a decision for my life I have to contemplate on everything else that is present in my life. Moving forward , left or right, is never easy. Theres so many things that plays on my mind. And i guess Im good at hiding everything. Heh, like theres a saying by Ustaz Azhar Idrus, Perempuan yang banyak cakap dan banyak gelak, adalah perempuan yang menangis dalam diam and senyap bile bermasalah. I felt like he was talking about me, coz I am like that. I cant make decisions in my life. Hmm. All I can do is just hmmm. Ya Allah, Please Guide me, I am in desperate need of your guidance, I just want to be a hamba who is always thinking of You, and always having You in my heart, please protect me from Shaytaan and his whispers, Please Dont let my Imaan weaken, Please show me the right path out of all this, Please guide me and my family Ya Allah, give us a solution that is acceptable by Your Side, Please Forgive all of our sins, Please Ya Allah. Only in You I Trust. Rabbana 'Atinaa Fiddunya hasanatan wa fil Akhirati hasanatan wa qinaa 'azabannaar ='(

Okay okay. Lets stop being sad yea. There's always a silver lining behind every dark cloud. Inshallah, Allah will guide us ameen. Yes so hehe back to my nothing much whats left of the pieces of my life - my SIL Aishah came back yayy! After so long in Melaka, hehe I missed her alot, shes like my kakak already hee :) She suddenly surprised us with her umi and all haha how sweet. But kesian coz asyik mual and loya, and getting skinnier! Haha tgh carry Alhaddad la katekan LOL. But yes hehe it ws nice to see Khala Saadiah, so nice and so lembut mashallah hehehe :)  Enjoyed talking to her, but had to like cut2 off abruptly coz kene tolong ummi. Hee but abah ade so entertain la hehe. Umi made chicken pot pie! Wohooo sedap pe. Yum2 and also coz my khal was coming with his wife nak pergi Penang so, yeay umi made extra food. Alhamdulillah syukur I get to rase home cooked food all the time Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah :) Kesian plak kakak2ku yang jauh hehe. 

So yeap dah dtg bebual2 la seme as per normal Lol. Arabs mahh, what you expect. LOL. Kecoh as per normal. Hehe so yeaaa. Now im just reflecting on my life. Hmm. All I can say is just hmmm. Gonna puasa tomoro! Mau ganti lohhh. Hehe taknak lambat2. Hee :) Funny how I can change my mood very fast kan? Haha. Guess Im an expert at it already. Because I dont like people seeing me in my real sadness and tears. Just dont like it. So used to it tht i can cry like nobody's business and in the next minute smiling widely so that no one will know. Hehe ya allah. Like they said, behind the prettiest smiles lies the darkest secrets right, not tryna say that my smile is pretty or whatsoever, but just the saying as a whole and I agree a 100% with that. 

I found a poem about romantic on islamicpoem.com, about what is love, i think it is beautiful mashallah, 

Yes, I love you my husband, whoever he maybe, whoever Allah decides for me, I really will try to be the best wife I can be inshallah. I want to do all those things the poet has mentioned, I really do. Even though Ive already thought about who that person already could be 'potentially', I don't want to hope and flatter myself and SS. Everything comes from Allah, so I will only place my hope on Him.  Haha, my sis still doesnt understand how I can 'like' the person so much lol, she thinks Im crazy LOL,gila bayang la, drama la, terok la so on and so forth hahahahahaha, but I hide somethings I did from her lol. I cant explain it all too. Its all unexpected. She also said he was lucky it was me he talked to. Hahahaha. Imagine kalau 'he' tau. Hahahahaha. I really masak ketam la nampaknye. Hahahhaa. Which is why, everything Ill place in Allah. I dun wanna hope on it, I dun wanna let tears flow because of it, so Ill just let Allah arrange everything. Inshallah. Tawalkaltu 'Alallah!

So yes, another maniac episode in this topsy-turvy life of this haddad. Hee, lets open the quran and read.. 

Ive to sleep fast today if I wanna be able to wake up for sahur tomoro. Inshallah I can. :) 

So dah senyum and jangan sedih2 lol, I need to tell that to myself on a repeat mode. Haha. 

GOODNITE WORLDD AND PEOPLES.