I cried again during Ramadhan, i think i donno how many times i cry already lol during this month. Kat depan meja makan plak tu. I donno why, I just guess everything just hit me at once. My life, looking my parents, their life, how things are, how everything is, I just sakit hati with everything and with the fact that I cant do much to help. I still dunno why Im still crying for duniawi, but im human kan. Cant avoid la. And I might act strong, but Allah saje yang tahu how small my heart is. Haiz. Now im finding work, hopefully i get somehting that pays well, Im not expecting the world or whatsoever i know im just at os, but considering the fact that im really not like other people who comes home to parents and dinner served, heck i dont even have a house anymore. Thus im requiring more fuluss than the average teen who already has a house and doesnt have to spend much and doesnt have alot to shoulder. Walhasel i def gt more to pay than your average teen once i stay there. I mean I do have my own plans la takkan la i nak waste 2012 like how i did during the other years, its time i step my game up and do something. My plan is simple, theres so many things I wanna do bt first things first i haveta secure a job whatever it is. My plan is to work and study arabic, if possible blaja agama at the same, blaja archery, blaja masak and do volunteering and so on. But have we got all that time? Sometimes i feel like ya allah time goes by so fast i feel even more rugi-er because im not doing anything beneficial let alone for my ownself. I can only hope to be given petunjuk by Allah. sometimes i look at myself, wondering what my futures going to be. I have nooo idea. Not impossible tht ill still be like this in 10 years time if i dont buck up and do something. I just gotta have the faith i guess. and faith def is there, in Allah, bt kurengg skit in myself.


Download the song diciptanya setiap hawa - shanel, wahh love the song alot sey. I feel like shes singing about me or something cehh. Lol. But i just love the song la walhasel. Its kinda calming for me. Kdg i just wish someone can understand me without me saying anything Heh. Percuma sey. who would understand my position anyway. Well someone does la, bt i gave him up, bt im kinda glad that we're still talking coz hes the one who truly knows me well. My ups and downs of life and perangai and instability and every single problem ive babbled to him. clearly he would know coz he is in the position himself. Im will forever be thankful because Allah brought someone like him into my life. Sometimes when I feel liek i needed someone to talk to, he would always be willing to listen and be very encouraging. Always ready to give me solutions. Heh. and vice versa. But i guess i lost that when i meant it over. it can never be the same. bt one things for sure, friends we will always be. And i will always support him, no matter what. You cant just throw away the friendship we had.

I know theres someone else who wishes to have the same advantage, bt its just not the same. Heh, someone so caring and sweet mashallah, so ala ding ding. Funny thing when the level of suka-ness can increase despite the very-amazingly- super duper low communication, like seriously! Hehe even with org dlu it took a few months of talkign every day lol. So setia mashallah. I really dont see what he see in me lah seriously, and like die ckp even I also blom tentu like me, same goes me, like really i also if i were a guy wouldent necessarily like me, as a girl. I cant really put my finger on this though, Im not sure what to do. I just know tht despite his age, one thing i never let the prson knw is tt how comfortable i am with dier.Haha. cn imagine the reaction. and that sometimes i say things that I actually dont mean. Im a secretive person whad. So what I say may not necessarily reflect what I feel.Esp psl dier :) hehe thers alot more things tht i keep to myself. But i just know i enjoy myself when im with die..I think i got a weakness or somthing for ppl who wear very good perfume..hahaha..i can smeeellll die all day coz die pakai perfume sedap! hahah mcm makanan. I seriously melt sia. And im not someone who melt very easily ok. Haha im like a nepthalene ball. Takes very long to melt. Hahas. Mcm2 ku pendam. . For now i just want to settle me, my life and get it back on track again before i want to think about all these things, tht all can wait.

Im With you - its definitely a damn cold night. and im really trying to figure out this life.