It's been ages since I last blogged, well life got busy, and new changes and adjustments came.
Looking back at my old posts, can't believe it was 2006 that I last posted in the other blog, mashaAllah.

I'm married now :) since 10/1/15...amazing huh?
Time really flies.. reminiscing back those moments in which I was happily whimsical kid who knows nuts about the world and its thorns and yet to learn and when what disappoints her was only homework and loneliness. But oh, she indeed learn in the past decade.

Revisiting old secret blogs where I spill my most inner feelings which nt even the hubs knows about, it is my sense of outpouring relief in which if I keep on locking everything inside the heart, it can result in dire consequences relating to their emotions.

People say I'm still young, and I do admit I am young in terms of not thinking too far ahead in everything, but still being able to keep a good head upon my shoulders. Looking back, somethings I regret, somethings I wish I had known sooner, somethings I truly wished never happened at all. For the mistakes that I made with my life, the wrong choices that got me on the wrong path, the things that I lost, the loneliness engulfing me.

It's amazing how my priorities have changed, the responsibilites that I will have to shoulder, its always evolving, and I just hope Allah doesn't turn away from me no matter how lowly I am, its what I pray for everyday. Without his mercy, and love, I doubt I could even be where I am now due to my past sins.

I write feelings in terms of poetry, and they help alot in controlling my feelings, as I unleash my angst or unhappiness, I can escape. Though no one really runs from problems as everyone on earth has them, its how you deal with them that makes your outlook on life negative or positive.

That soul searching feeling Ive had, its still in me, Its not complete, I havent acquired what I want, and to make it worse I am not really sure of what I want. I need something fulfilling yet peaceful, something that quenches the inquisitive desire in the soul and relinquishes the dark doubts that seem to rear its ugly head, killing my enthusiasm when I really come across something that might actually possess the above criteria. Circumstances and people around me do play a part, and while I'm not regretting marriage, I cant help but wonder if I never married, what would I be doing now?

Will I still be at encompass? Most probably.

I miss having to communicate cheerfully with the people around, as my smiles have started diminishing as the dullness of my life is settling around me in no time. Sometimes I dont feel like myself, and thanks to these preggos hormones, I am becoming increasingly emotional.

Laughing my heart out like no one cares in the world, travelling, going on adventures, being spontaneous is what I truly miss. But I will always be tied to someone no matter what. If not the hubs, its the parents, if not its god. Its something we were all born with; being tied done, and certainly inescapable.